Little Birdie

There are many, many days that I wish I weren’t such a slave to my emotions. It’s hard to concentrate when my soul is so twisted up. On the way to work this morning, I started crying for no reason. Last night I was so irritable I could hardly stand myself. I’m unwilling to blame hormones because I think they get a bad rap.

Actually I do know what’s wrong. It’s this sense that I haven’t accomplished anything, and a hopelessness that I won’t ever accomplish anything noteworthy in my life.

Hopelessness seems to be a running theme in my life lately. I know it’s a lie but it’s damn hard to overcome. It’s like a gray shroud over my house. I can see through it but not clearly.

Wow, am I a walking commercial for the Duke depression study or what? “Do you overeat or have no appetite? Do you sleep too much or have insomnia? You may qualify to take sugar pills and live under a microscope for 6-8 weeks!”

And what is it about me that I like listening to hard rock when I’m mad at the world? It only feeds my attitude.

It’s a good thing the weather isn’t dependent on my mood. Although that would be cool, because then I’d be an X-file come true…you know the one where the weather man had this unconscious effect on the weather, and it was all because he had this huge unrequited love going for this chick who kept falling into bad relationships. At the end Mulder and Scully convinced both of them that they belonged together, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except Mulder and Scully, of course, because they thrive on suffering.

And now a haiku to lighten my mood:

Leaky light blue eyes
Don’t fret, there is hope for you–
Choc’late cures all ills.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 9th, 2007 at 2:29 pm and is filed under my life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.