Uncovered.
The Lord has uncovered a little more of my stupid pride. I have been asking God and wondering why it is I’m so unmotivated to practice my music. Today I learned that there are at least two reasons.
First, I continually struggle with always wanting to be in the spotlight, always wanting the attention for myself. Since I know that’s wrong, I’d rather not pick up my guitar at all. That way I’ll never be good enough to become a big star. I don’t want to be complimented because it swells my ego too much. I can’t take compliments because I know in my heart I hold them too dear and I don’t cast my crowns before the Lord. That particular problem extends to all areas in my life.
The second reason kind of stems from that. I know I can’t be the best on the planet, so I don’t want to work at being the best I can be. That’s perfectionism and it’s also wrong.
Both reasons stem from pride. God I hate it. But I know that I can be delivered. In my spirit, I want to excel at music so I can worship God. In my heart, I want to others to worship ME. But should I continue to shun my musical ability that God put in me because I am afraid that my pride will taint it? Or should I press through, pick up my music, and war against myself that way? If I can continually have the truth in my face, that God GAVE me this talent, that it has nothing to do with me, and He put it in me for HIS purpose, maybe I’ll be able to pick up my music again.