Little Birdie

In order to maximize your Disney World experience as an adult, I recommend the following five items to have with you at all times:

5. Three pairs of socks per day. This will minimize the blisterage and maximize the dorkiness. You should especially wear three pairs of different colored socks with your Tivas and bikini that you bought 20 pounds ago.

4. Sensible shoes. Definitely a must-have if you are going to be walking over 33,000 magical acres of magic. I recommend the strappy sandals with 3-inch stilletos, because those seemed to be the most popular amongst women ages 16-45. Or, you could just rent a scooter.

3. Moisture-wicking clothing. This is imperative if you are going to get anywhere near Splash Mountain. Most people already own this type of thing because it’s fashionable for people who have never exercised in their lives to deck themselves out in hot pink velour jogging suits with their matching 3-inch stilletos. Or more commonly, since it’s a family park, you could wear barely any clothing at all. I recommend the cleavage-enhancing tube tops…that you bought 20 pounds ago.

2. Pain reliever. An unfortunate side effect of being an adult is being barely able to move after day 2 of walking 33,000 acres in your 3-inch stilletos with 3 pairs of socks. But at least you look good!

And the number one thing to bring with you to D1znee…

1. Powder. Because you didn’t know about the moisture-wicking clothing. Because you bounced around the park in your braless tube top for 5 days. Because you got blasted on Splash Mountain and now your inner thighs are as red as a pimply teenager taking a picture with Mickey and twice as bumpy. Powder saved me from an early night more than once, let me tell you. I recommend the kind with aloe.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 5th, 2008 at 1:39 pm and is filed under my life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.