Inkblots
I’m a big fan of discovering more about myself and my loved ones (or even barely-known acquaintances, for that matter). I take personality tests all the time and highly encourage everyone I know to do the same.
The most recent test I took can be found here: it’s an inkblot test. I’ve never taken one before, but it’s pretty interesting.
I was particularly surprised at the amount of sexual questioning that went along with the blots. “Do you see a penis in this inkblot?” Well, now that you’ve asked me, of course I do! “Do you feel aroused when looking at this inkblot?” Umm….if I did I don’t think I’d admit it. (Naturally, that answer was a choice in the list!)
I was actually pretty relieved that I could answer “No, I don’t see anything sexual” to about 90% of the questions. I have secretly thought that I focus WAY too much on sex…oops, did I write that out loud?
Here are my results:
You approach the world with reserve because unconsciously, and perhaps consciously, you like to be in control. You keep your emotions to yourself and you may seem mysterious or enigmatic to others. You’re often very cautious about truly expressing yourself. Even people who have known you for some time may find it hard to get close to you. Your psyche is very deep and rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
At first I disagreed with the results because it showed me a side of myself that I don’t like. I don’t like needing to be in control. I want to be wide open, taking things as they come, exploring new venues all the time, and being generally flexible. But as I think about it, my life does not really reflect those desires. I’ve been in a job I hate for almost 7 years. I am a people pleaser and I hate rejection. While I’d like to think I’m a change-oriented person, in reality I hate change and I often have negative physical reactions to it.
Even the title, “Reserved,” has negative connotations to me. I remember in the seventh grade, my teacher told the class in a loud voice several times a month, “That Kathy over there is so quiet, it’s eerie.” It was true that I was quiet…my family had just moved to town and I didn’t know anybody. All through my teenage years, though, I felt aloof and unable to fit in. I mostly kept my mouth shut because I hated confrontation and in no way did I want to stick out in a crowd. Isn’t that how most teens are??
Maybe because of that, I have tried really hard to be open and transparent about myself in recent years. I don’t see myself as mysterious or enigmatic, although conversations with people indicate otherwise. I remember one friend telling me — after a particularly emotional conversation — that in 3 years it was the first time she’s ever seen a vulnerable side of me. I was flabbergasted. I ALWAYS feel vulnerable!
Anyway. I think it’s fun and insightful to learn things about myself that pretty much everyone already knows but is too polite to say. 
I just have to be careful not to get critical of myself, and instead use these things as an evaluation tool and decide whether or not they are true.
(p.s. Don’t you think that inkblot in the results window looks just like the Flukeman in the X-files?)