Little Birdie

Matthew starts his account of the gospel by delineating Jesus’ genealogy. I think that’s cool.

It reminds me that God ordered the entire universe. He ordered exactly who would beget whom, and the number of begets (3 rounds of 14, as it turns out…) it would take to reach the time ordained by Him for the Savior to come.

It reminds me that it’s not all about me. Surprising, isn’t it? Whatever my choices, whatever my sin, whatever my behavior, it’s all in God’s hands. Whatever the nation decides, God uses in His plan. Was God surprised when Obama was elected? No. The heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord.

It reminds me that God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Did all those people before Jesus know that they were in the ancestral line of the Savior? Probably not all of them. But God knew, and despite their humanity, because He is good and his love endures forever, He worked it out. And He’ll work it out for me–and you–for His glory.

God Transforms

Responsibility into an ability to respond….

Expectation into expectancy….

Disappointment into hope….

Dread into anticipation….

Sorrow into joy….

My mindset into His.

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I just finished reading The Shack, and it has called into question how I relate to God–all three of Him.

Now, I normally hate reading “God-help” books, and despise “Self-help” books. They make me feel hopeless and magnify my inability to live up to whatever standards are laid out in the book. I can count the number of those books I have actually finished reading on one finger. I only pressed through that one because it was a book on marriage and well, I was about to get married and had NO CLUE what to do. And guess what–it didn’t help.
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If you’re wondering where I’ve been the last month or so, I started a new job on June 2nd. Check it out–I have a title and everything.

It’s been a big change, and change is hard. I am the type to give myself to whatever I’m involved in (after I accept the change, anyway). Seven years at my first job out of college is a sizable emotional investment.
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Reading Ben’s very thought-provoking post on Christianese has turned my brain on. I love the tongue-in-cheek writing style, and I LOL’d (is that really pronounced lawled?) because I tend to easily fall into those exact traditions of “holiness” (are you really saved if you don’t use “pour out Your Spirit from the heavenlies” at least once per prayer?).
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Ever just wake up one morning in a bad mood? No apparent reason, just…grouchy. My husband would call it pissing in your own cornflakes. How poetic.

Well, it’s one of those days. With my personality though, it’s dangerous because I start to analyze why I feel the way I do, and I either blame myself or someone else, and get more depressed. It becomes a vicious cycle. Soon I’ll start feeling like I deserve to have the problems I have, that it’s my fault my life isn’t perfect, and I can’t do anything about it.

Isn’t it nice how I know in my mind how I will react to things, yet I seem helpless under my own willpower to jerk myself out of it?

The only thing that can interrupt the cycle is the Word. Did you know that there are 102 verses in the Bible dealing with deliverance? Psalm 18:2 says “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” The Lord himself brings deliverance to those who take refuge in him.

Now I just have to remember to do that.

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So, I’ve been a Christian since I was a little girl. Asked Jesus into my heart at my parent’s bedside when I was about 7 years old. Grew up in the church. Schooled in the Bible. And yet, I had never fully realized the implications of serving a living God. Not dead. Not used-to-be-alive, floating around on some cloud wearing a halo. Not a state of mind. ALIVE. Like me. Except way better, because it is only through Him that I have life at all

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God’s been doing some great stuff in my spiritual life. Here’s a little progression:

Step 1. I find out I’m terrified of dying, because I fear God’s judgment even though I’m saved.
Step 2. I ask God why I’m terrified of this, and he points me to a book I read when I was a very immature Christian. The book left me with the wrong impression that I can still somehow be kept from God’s full glory even when I’m in heaven unless I do lots of great things. Like a point system. Or the NASCAR poll position.
Step 3. God delivers me from fear of judgment.
Side Effects: I now can tell people about Jesus and really believe that heaven is a wonderful thing.

And:

Step 1. I find out I’m terrified of teaching even though I love kids.
Step 2. I ask God why I’m terrified, and he points to several times in my life where I myself or my authority has been rejected or belittled.
Step 3. God delivers me from fear of teaching.
Side Effects: Coming to believe that maybe I am called to teach. So, today I mailed in my stuff to teach.

Psalm 34:4 works.

That’s all. I need Jesus. It’s that simple. The more needy I am toward him, the more He will come out of me.

I took some time off from work and other responsibilities last week, including blogging. I wouldn’t exactly call it a vacation though. I’ve been so twisted up inside, I was never really able to unwind, and then the week was over. I was reminded on Wednesday, after my mind shut up for long enough, that I am God’s girl and not anyone or anything else’s. So whatever job God has me doing, wherever He has me serving, I am ultimately serving Him and His purpose. The only approval I should need is from Him. It’s hard to remember that when I’m in the trenches, but a good twice daily dose of the Truth helps keep my mind in line. So, here I am again.

Also, my dad had to get a heart catheterization on Friday, so that was pretty stressful. What we found out was perplexing, and something only God could have done. He is 100% blocked in two places, and a third place looks suspicious. Stents were out of the question because of the locations and amount of blockage. However, God had made His own little “natural bypasses” around the blockages. The doctors said this was very rare but not unheard of. If this had not happened, Dad would have probably had a heart attack long ago. The prognosis is “wait and see.” Whatever that means. My belief is that God will continue to construct His own bypasses so that 100% of the bloodflow is restored and my dad becomes pain-free. Or, that God will just make those freaking blockages disappear altogether. That’d be pretty awesome.