If you’re wondering where I’ve been the last month or so, I started a new job on June 2nd. Check it out–I have a title and everything.
It’s been a big change, and change is hard. I am the type to give myself to whatever I’m involved in (after I accept the change, anyway). Seven years at my first job out of college is a sizable emotional investment.
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Reading Ben’s very thought-provoking post on Christianese has turned my brain on. I love the tongue-in-cheek writing style, and I LOL’d (is that really pronounced lawled?) because I tend to easily fall into those exact traditions of “holiness” (are you really saved if you don’t use “pour out Your Spirit from the heavenlies” at least once per prayer?).
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Ever just wake up one morning in a bad mood? No apparent reason, just…grouchy. My husband would call it pissing in your own cornflakes. How poetic.
Well, it’s one of those days. With my personality though, it’s dangerous because I start to analyze why I feel the way I do, and I either blame myself or someone else, and get more depressed. It becomes a vicious cycle. Soon I’ll start feeling like I deserve to have the problems I have, that it’s my fault my life isn’t perfect, and I can’t do anything about it.
Isn’t it nice how I know in my mind how I will react to things, yet I seem helpless under my own willpower to jerk myself out of it?
The only thing that can interrupt the cycle is the Word. Did you know that there are 102 verses in the Bible dealing with deliverance? Psalm 18:2 says “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” The Lord himself brings deliverance to those who take refuge in him.
Now I just have to remember to do that. 
So, I’ve been a Christian since I was a little girl. Asked Jesus into my heart at my parent’s bedside when I was about 7 years old. Grew up in the church. Schooled in the Bible. And yet, I had never fully realized the implications of serving a living God. Not dead. Not used-to-be-alive, floating around on some cloud wearing a halo. Not a state of mind. ALIVE. Like me. Except way better, because it is only through Him that I have life at all
God’s been doing some great stuff in my spiritual life. Here’s a little progression:
Step 1. I find out I’m terrified of dying, because I fear God’s judgment even though I’m saved.
Step 2. I ask God why I’m terrified of this, and he points me to a book I read when I was a very immature Christian. The book left me with the wrong impression that I can still somehow be kept from God’s full glory even when I’m in heaven unless I do lots of great things. Like a point system. Or the NASCAR poll position.
Step 3. God delivers me from fear of judgment.
Side Effects: I now can tell people about Jesus and really believe that heaven is a wonderful thing.
And:
Step 1. I find out I’m terrified of teaching even though I love kids.
Step 2. I ask God why I’m terrified, and he points to several times in my life where I myself or my authority has been rejected or belittled.
Step 3. God delivers me from fear of teaching.
Side Effects: Coming to believe that maybe I am called to teach. So, today I mailed in my stuff to teach.
Psalm 34:4 works.
That’s all. I need Jesus. It’s that simple. The more needy I am toward him, the more He will come out of me.
I took some time off from work and other responsibilities last week, including blogging. I wouldn’t exactly call it a vacation though. I’ve been so twisted up inside, I was never really able to unwind, and then the week was over. I was reminded on Wednesday, after my mind shut up for long enough, that I am God’s girl and not anyone or anything else’s. So whatever job God has me doing, wherever He has me serving, I am ultimately serving Him and His purpose. The only approval I should need is from Him. It’s hard to remember that when I’m in the trenches, but a good twice daily dose of the Truth helps keep my mind in line. So, here I am again.
Also, my dad had to get a heart catheterization on Friday, so that was pretty stressful. What we found out was perplexing, and something only God could have done. He is 100% blocked in two places, and a third place looks suspicious. Stents were out of the question because of the locations and amount of blockage. However, God had made His own little “natural bypasses” around the blockages. The doctors said this was very rare but not unheard of. If this had not happened, Dad would have probably had a heart attack long ago. The prognosis is “wait and see.” Whatever that means. My belief is that God will continue to construct His own bypasses so that 100% of the bloodflow is restored and my dad becomes pain-free. Or, that God will just make those freaking blockages disappear altogether. That’d be pretty awesome.
My church hosted a community yard sale on Saturday. God was so faithful. He caused everything to come together and work smoothly, he breathed on our efforts, and it was awesome. So many people contributed, and I just want to publicly thank all of you. Especially my friend Susan, who worked super hard and provided her invaluable wisdom.
I pulled together some statistics that I shared with the congregation on Sunday. I share this not to boast of our own efforts but of God’s provision over this event:
And most importantly, 2 people received Christ.
It just goes to show you that God can use any situation, any number of willing people, and any venue to accomplish his purposes.
I can’t wait until next year
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Bethel’s worship team is going through the book “Exploring the Mysteries of Worship” by LaMar Boschman. I confess I haven’t been all that faithful keeping up with the reading, but the discussions are always thought-provoking. |
We got into a couple of things last night that I have continued to wrestle with this morning: the definition of “the anointing,” and the act of entering the King’s gates and going further into his courts.
Mr. Boschman defined “anointed” as the tender heart that results from being in the presence of God. He presented a forumulaic definition of the anointing as what people see when we fast, pray, and repent.
The worship team pretty much decided that Mr. Boschman’s definition was incorrect, or at least incomplete. I did some more research on this and have made the following obersvations:
Our worship leader asked an important follow-up question about the anointing: Is it appropriate to ask for a fresh anointing, a new anointing? After all, the same anointing from the same Almighty God is available today just as it was yesterday.
I think there are two parts to the answer. First, the anointing itself isn’t “new,” but we might need a “renewed” anointing every day. The Bible encourages us to renew our minds continually with the Word of God. If we ask for a fresh anointing, it’s because we ourselves have been consumed by life’s issues and feel dry.
The second part of the answer is, there are times when that anointing enables us by the Holy Spirit to do miraculous works, lead people into a deeper place of worship, etc. It is those times that when we ask for a fresh anointing, we are really asking for God to show up in power and heal, make His glory known, and manifest His presence (which, by the way, was another topic of discussion in the book).
Well, I think I just opened up more questions in my own mind than answering anything, but it helps to write about it. Second topic, entering His praise with thanksgiving, coming up next.
I’ve been struggling with 1 John. It’s a tough book. John exhorts us to love, and in fact to use love as a test of salvation. If a person is truly saved, he will show love. If a person does not show love but professes to be a Christian, he may not have accepted Christ in the first place.
Another test of salvation is whether a person practices righteousness or evil. A person saved cannot keep on sinning; indeed if she does, was she ever saved?
These points in 1 John taken out of context could argue for sinless perfection. Once saved, we should not sin. Ever. Didn’t even Jesus tell the woman with the issue of blood “Go, and sin no more?” Is that even possible? It must be, if Jesus commanded it.
However, it is by grace we are saved, and I don’t know anyone professing to be a follower of Jesus that has lived a life of sinless perfection. I don’t believe that John is teaching sinless perfection, but he is boldly teaching us that our salvation must produce the character of God.
1 John chapter 1 convinces me that he is not teaching sinless perfection by twice establishing the fact that we, as believers, sin. First, he says “if anyone claims to be without sin, he deceives himself and the truth is not in him.” Again, he says “if anyone says he does not sin, he makes God a liar.” In short, if you say you are sinless, you are a liar, and that makes you a sinner. John also says “I teach these things so you will not sin, but if you do, we have the Righteous One, Jesus, to speak for us.”
The important thing is, when we accept Christ, we shed our nature of sin, even if we sometimes still fall. But if a so-called believer keeps practicing sin, or continues habitually in sin, it calls into question whether that person was ever saved.
What a conundrum.
What about spiritual strongholds? In my own life I continually deal with lust. Sometimes I give myself over to it, and sometimes for periods long enough to be considered “practicing sin.” Does it mean I have never been saved? I don’t think so. It’s easy to forget that we’re in a spiritual war, against the enemy AND against our own flesh. The word says we will always battle against the flesh. It says the heart is deceitful above all things. John encourages us that even when our own hearts condemn us, God knows us, and He is greater than our hearts.
What about the back-slider? I think Paul addresses it in 1 Corinthians 3. There are those who, when all is said and done, will themselves be saved, but will suffer loss because their works were turned to ashes in the fire of judgment. I have been in a back-sliding state before, and I have no doubt those works will not pass the test.
But I know that I know, I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, a deposit of Heaven. I just hope there are some works that WILL pass the test–I don’t want to drag around a bag of ashes from all the wood, hay, and stubble I used to build my foundation.