| My next few blogs will be dedicated to Disney World. We spent six MAGICAL days and five MAGICAL nights wandering around the most MAGICAL place in the world. So here, I present the top five reasons you should drop everything and get on a plane, train, or automobile to Florida RIGHT NOW. |
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A few weeks after the new year, I decided something. I decided that I was fat and out of shape, and that just didn’t fit me at all. Now, it may come as a surprise to some people that I am in fact fat and out of shape. I know, it surprised me too. |
Isn’t it funny that often we are the last people on earth to find out about ourselves what everyone else has known all along?
| No, I’m not talking about the e. coli outbreak at various Taco Bells in 2006. It’s far more serious than that. What I experienced was the excruciating pain that only a broken taco shell can cause as it scraped and tore its way down my esophagus, wreaking havoc from mouth to belly. |
It still hurts to swallow.
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Well, I’m back. I couldn’t stay away. There are too many thoughts running through my head, too many things I want to write about. I am finding that I need this outlet when I just need to talk about something without, well, actually talking  And yes, I know there are private journals for that, but it’s just not the same. |
Well, I’ve decided to take an official hiatus from blogging. Maybe one day I’ll pick it up again, in a more structured and focused format than just ramblings from my head. I’d like the next incarnation of my blog to be study-oriented. I am a researcher at heart, after all
I feel like I gave this a good try, and I learned a lot. But I much like reading what other people have to say more than coming up with something original myself. Too much pressure.
Happy holidays, everyone. May God richly bless and prosper you.
Belly, I have let you roam again
To Biscuitville, that evil villain.
It tastes so good, and feels so bad.
But it’s the best darn biscuit I ever had–
aside from grandma’s.
———-
Belly, you poke over my pants.
You assert your authority better than fire ants.
How can my mind be ruled by you?
How can my will be so consumed?
You are not so insurmountable,
But by myself, I’m incapable.
———–
Will I sit by and let the scale creep up?
Or will I let the Lord fill my cup?
Must my sides jut out like this?
Or will I rule with an iron fist?
Rolls of fat, be gone with you!
To Thy Word I must be true.
God, please come and rescue me.
From temptation I will flee.
I took some time off from work and other responsibilities last week, including blogging. I wouldn’t exactly call it a vacation though. I’ve been so twisted up inside, I was never really able to unwind, and then the week was over. I was reminded on Wednesday, after my mind shut up for long enough, that I am God’s girl and not anyone or anything else’s. So whatever job God has me doing, wherever He has me serving, I am ultimately serving Him and His purpose. The only approval I should need is from Him. It’s hard to remember that when I’m in the trenches, but a good twice daily dose of the Truth helps keep my mind in line. So, here I am again.
Also, my dad had to get a heart catheterization on Friday, so that was pretty stressful. What we found out was perplexing, and something only God could have done. He is 100% blocked in two places, and a third place looks suspicious. Stents were out of the question because of the locations and amount of blockage. However, God had made His own little “natural bypasses” around the blockages. The doctors said this was very rare but not unheard of. If this had not happened, Dad would have probably had a heart attack long ago. The prognosis is “wait and see.” Whatever that means. My belief is that God will continue to construct His own bypasses so that 100% of the bloodflow is restored and my dad becomes pain-free. Or, that God will just make those freaking blockages disappear altogether. That’d be pretty awesome.
All the descriptions of my personality type include words like unique, creative, and artistic to describe the way a lot of 4’s dress. Until recently, I haven’t really felt that way about myself and it’s been kind of a condemning thing for me. Why can’t I express myself in the way I dress? Why do I always feel the need to blend in, hide, and become as insignificant as possible?
Well, I’m happy to report, that’s not really true anymore! I’ve noticed over the past year or so that I have branched out considerably in the colors I wear. I used to be very conservative and always wear shades of neutral or black, and hardly any jewelry. That started to change last year when God began healing me and drawing the real me out. I still hesitate in the style of clothes I wear, and I love jeans more than anything, but now my jeans have sequins or rhinestones and embroidery on them. My shirts are bright and bold. My jewelry is big and loud. I wear purple eyeliner and I have red streaks in my hair (that need to be re-done). I have discovered that orange is my favorite color…and not that peachy quiet orange either. I like contrasts, and I like colors that pop.
I like the un-stifled me. Not that there’s more in there wanting to get out, but God is slowly leading me and always working in me
The Lord has uncovered a little more of my stupid pride. I have been asking God and wondering why it is I’m so unmotivated to practice my music. Today I learned that there are at least two reasons.
First, I continually struggle with always wanting to be in the spotlight, always wanting the attention for myself. Since I know that’s wrong, I’d rather not pick up my guitar at all. That way I’ll never be good enough to become a big star. I don’t want to be complimented because it swells my ego too much. I can’t take compliments because I know in my heart I hold them too dear and I don’t cast my crowns before the Lord. That particular problem extends to all areas in my life.
The second reason kind of stems from that. I know I can’t be the best on the planet, so I don’t want to work at being the best I can be. That’s perfectionism and it’s also wrong.
Both reasons stem from pride. God I hate it. But I know that I can be delivered. In my spirit, I want to excel at music so I can worship God. In my heart, I want to others to worship ME. But should I continue to shun my musical ability that God put in me because I am afraid that my pride will taint it? Or should I press through, pick up my music, and war against myself that way? If I can continually have the truth in my face, that God GAVE me this talent, that it has nothing to do with me, and He put it in me for HIS purpose, maybe I’ll be able to pick up my music again.